Because You Care What I Think (Don't You?)

All the News

2009-10-17T10:22:00.000-07:00

To save you some time, I've combined all of the political news into one short article. Here is everything you'll need to know in the coming months...

WASHINGTON, D.C. (BS) -- The President faced increased pressure this week from (Republicans/liberals) who think the administration is moving too (fast/slowly) on the critical issue of (financial regulation/gay rights/global warming/health care reform/Iraq withdrawal). "It's clear to everyone I'm talking to that this administration is doing (too much/nothing). People are (scared/disappointed). Obama is no different than (Hitler/Jimmy Carter/George W. Bush/Dennis Kucinich)!" said one (right-wing talk show host/liberal blogger). "It confirms everything I warned people about during the campaign."

Some commentators pointed to the dominance of the (Anti-/Pro-) Israel lobby over the White House. Others said the problem was caused by the (blame-America-first crowd/Neoconservatives) who control Washington. One thing is clear: If the administration continues its (leftward/rightward) drift, the President risks cementing his reputation as a (fascist/socialist/capitalist-pig/pacifist/war-monger) who seeks to (destroy/expand) America's empire.

Seattle Voter's Guide: 2009 King County Primary

2009-08-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

Mail-in ballots are due by Tuesday, August 18, 2009.

KING COUNTY:

King County Executive

Last November, I warned you about Charter Amendment No. 8. Somehow, it passed anyway. Now we must deal with the fallout. One of the amendment's promoters, former local news anchor Susan Hutchison, is now able to run for Executive without having that pesky "Republican" tag next to her name. Ms. Hutchison is a creepy, right-wing activist and theocrat. She's basically Sarah Palin with an extra twenty I.Q. points.

Show Hutchison you won't be fooled. Vote for a candidate that represents King County values.

Vote for Dow Constantine (D!)

JUDICIAL:

Court of Appeals, Division No. 1, District No. 1, Judge Position No. 3

Vote for Anne L. Ellington

PORT OF SEATTLE:

Commissioner, Position No. 3

Vote for Rob Holland

Commissioner, Position No. 4

Vote for Max Vekich

CITY OF SEATTLE:

Referendum No. 1 (Grocery Bag Tax)

Regressive taxation is never the answer. Reducing our plastic waste is an important goal, but we must find a solution that doesn't disproportionately burden working-class consumers.

VOTE "Rejected"

Mayor

Nearly everyone in Seattle is occasionally irritated by our Mayor. We could probably do better, but (surprisingly) none of his challengers have made a compelling argument that they could do better.

Vote for Greg Nickels

Council Position No. 4

Vote for Dorsol Plants

Council Position No. 6

Vote for Marty Kaplan

Council Position No. 8

Vote for Bobby Forch

SEATTLE SCHOOL DISTRICT NO. 1

Director District No. 5

Vote for Mary E. Bass

Director District No. 7

Vote for Betty Patu

Why Twitter?

2009-04-29T12:20:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, my son was surfing his favorite website, pbskids.org. Upon running into a glitch, he asked me for help. I was happy to help, but as soon as I made a navigation error he protested. I twice assured him that I knew what I was doing, but then I realized the truth: he was right, and I was wrong. He's three years old. I'm thirty. This marked the beginning of the end.

In recent years, I've grown tired of following the latest technology fads. I suppose my disillusionment started when my Friendster account became passé soon after it was created. Now I realize that I must make more of an effort to be wired. Failure to keep up will result in endless humiliation at the little hands of this new Cylon race we call "our children".

Better Write Your Congressman

2009-02-26T12:40:00.000-08:00

[I sent the following letter today to my Senators and Representative in Congress. That should do the trick.]

Dear Congressman McDermott:
My wife and I are constituents from the Sand Point neighborhood in Seattle. We are also proud liberals and consistent Democratic Primary voters. Our nation's current economy and dismal jobs market has directly impacted our family. We know what it is like to stare-down the choice between paying for either daycare or the rent. I'm happy to report that through pluck and luck we will be able to afford both during the month of March, but like many of your constituents, we've learned how fragile our financial security is.

On the bright side, we have great confidence in our new President and his economic agenda. We were very pleased by your vote for the economic stimulus package. Thank you. Nearly all of your Republican colleagues have chosen to put electoral calculations and abstract ideology ahead of our immediate economic plight. I'm afraid many of them, following Rush Limbaugh's leadership, may actually be hoping that our economy worsens. In the face of so many obstacles to our well-being, we hope that you will continue to support our President's economic program. His budget, mortgage and financial markets plans give us great hope for the future. Please do not obstruct the President's efforts to rebuild our country. We don't have a minute to lose.

I've been reflecting on Franklin Roosevelt and the extraordinary support he received from a Democratic Congress. You and your colleagues should demonstrate the same vigor during my generation's depression. I know that all politicians are afraid of being called out-of-touch with their constituents, but during a crisis such as this one we would much rather see you working in DC than holding town halls and such back home. Your voters work more than four days per week, and so should the House and Senate.

In the coming months we will be watching your work closely. During your next primary election, I hope that we will remember this as a moment when you made us proud.

Best regards,
Jared
Seatte, WA

p.s. - Please support voting rights for the people of the District of Columbia.

"Waterboarding is Torture"

2009-01-15T13:47:00.000-08:00

Top 10 TV Shows and Movies of 2008

2009-01-01T13:14:00.000-08:00

Election Night - Obama's victory was the best news I ever got that didn't include the words "not pregnant". I'll never forget where I was: A Seattle brew-pub, having just learned that my wife had just won her first election. Please comment and tell me where you were.
Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony (NBC) - An ant-like civilization with a limitless budget can put on quite a show. This was probably the greatest man-made spectacle the world will see for a very long time.
WALL-E - As Tim said: "The first-half of the movie was high-art." Amen. By any conventional standard, the second-half was damn good also. If WALL-E doesn't win the Oscar for Best Picture, then we will know once and for all that Hollywood values celebrity more than quality.
Saturday Night Live: Season 34 (NBC) - Tina Fey earned the title of Best Female Comedian Ever, while a pregnant Amy Poehler killed the "mother-humpin' moose". Impersonations of Joe Biden, Keith Olbermann, and Democratic Congressional leaders also killed.
John Adams (HBO)
"A More Perfect Union"
The Rachel Maddow Show (MSNBC) -The "Just Enough" pop-culture segments are a total waste of time, but otherwise, Rachel Maddow is a new National Treasure. Her reporting and analysis is frequently as sophisticated as The News Hour, but it's never boring. Thanks Rachel!
2008 Republican National Convention - America's loudest hate-orgy since the 1964 Goldwater convention got the right-wing fringe to buy-in. More importantly - as was proven by fundraising figures - the GOP convention united sane Americans behind Obama.
Synecdoche, New York - I hated watching this movie, but I was also aware that I was seeing something important. This film is a monument. I was haunted by it for days. Watch this unpleasantness... and eat your vegetables, too.
Recount (Showtime) - Perfect. Laura Dern as Katherine Harris is reason enough to watch this sometimes silly, sometimes painful reenactment of the 2000 Florida tragedy.

Cabinet Wishlist

2008-11-12T19:30:00.000-08:00

AGRICULTURE: Gov. Tom Vilsack
COMMERCE: Indra Nooyi
DEFENSE: Gen. Wesley Clark
EDUCATION: Colin Powell
ENERGY: Sen. Joe Lieberman
HHS: Gov. Howard Dean
HOMELAND SECURITY: James Lee Witt
HUD: Valerie Jarrett
INTERIOR: Sen. Tom Daschle
JUSTICE: Gov. Janet Napolitano
LABOR: Rep. Richard Gephardt
STATE: Gov. Bill Richardson
TRANSPORTATION: Rep. Earl Blumenauer
TREASURY: Pres. Tim Geithner
VETERANS AFFAIRS: Sen. Max Cleland
EPA: Sen. Barbara Boxer
U.S. TRADE REPRESENTATIVE: Gov. Gary Locke

Economic Team Seating Chart

2008-11-07T12:25:00.000-08:00

Draw your own conclusions...

Perv!

2008-11-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

My friend Art Vandalay on Halloween.

change.gov

2008-11-06T12:29:00.000-08:00

".gov" baby!

http://www.change.gov/

A Open Letter to Pelosi, Reid

2008-11-05T22:34:00.000-08:00

Dear Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid:

Congratulations on your victories.

Don't fuck this up.

Jared
Seattle, WA

An Open Letter to the President-Elect

2008-11-05T22:17:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. President-Elect,

How can we help?

Jared
Seattle, WA

Okay Folks, Back to Work

2008-11-05T21:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Readers:
The party is almost over. I'm sure the after-party will also rock. But it's time to get back to work. We have a county to fix.

Here are your talking points for the next two months:

"Mandate"
"Optimism"
"Competence"
"Steadiness"
"Leadership"
"Unity"

Get the word out, and I promise we will have a another sweet party on January 20.

Our President-elect needs you now.

Bullet Dodged

2008-11-05T20:10:00.000-08:00

Wow.

Safe!

2008-11-05T19:42:00.001-08:00

Joygasm in Chocolate City

2008-11-05T19:33:00.000-08:00

Our District of Columbia correspondent, Abby, reports the following scene from last night:

Here in DC (I live on Mass ave now) people were celebrating in the streets all night. Horns were honking, jubilant singing, hugging, drum playing, crying... very unified spirit of happiness. Excited people took over U Street, completely blocked the street--and just took over. The cops shrugged and apparently joined in the celebrations. It was a historical day to say the least.

I think it's safe to to assume that our nation's capital will soon achieve representation in Congress.

It's a beautiful day.

Sleepless in Seattle

2008-11-05T02:02:00.000-08:00

What a night.

Good Morning

2008-11-05T00:14:00.000-08:00

"For the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country"
-Michelle Obama

VOTE!

2008-11-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

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How I'm Feeling Today

2008-11-03T15:15:00.001-08:00

Can't... stand... the pressure!

A Historic Day

2008-11-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

Over 200 years ago a Potomac swamp was drained, a capitol rose, and a white house was constructed thanks to the labor of contracted slaves from Virginia. Even after President Adams arrived at the White House, the slaves continued to build our national city.

Remember this when you wake up tomorrow. It will be one of our nation's most important days. Nothing you can do tomorrow is more important than voting. Don't let them take it from you.

Seattle Voter's Guide

2008-11-02T19:36:00.001-08:00

A lot of blood has been shed so that each of us may vote. Don’t be a fucktard. Vote as soon as possible.

Election Day is Tuesday, November 4, 2008.

STATE MEASURES:

Initiative Measure No. 985 (“Congestion Relief”):
This measure exists to promote the career of anti-tax wacko Tim Eyman. It will make auto traffic worse while robbing public transportation. VOTE NO

Initiative Measure No. 1000 (Death with Dignity):
This measure follows Oregon’s successful example, allowing people who are suffering painful terminal illnesses to self-administer lethal medications. Keep the evangelicals out of our death-beds. VOTE YES

Initiative Measure No. 1029 (Certification for home health care providers):
This measure is something that every sane person can agree on. VOTE YES

KING COUNTY MEASURES:

Charter Amendment No. 1 (Elected Elections Director):
This is a scheme concocted local Republicans to undermine our county’s democracy. VOTE NO

Charter Amendment No. 2 (Prohibiting Discrimination):
Housekeeping measure. VOTE YES

Charter Amendment No. 3 (Regional Committees):
This would diminish Seattle’s influence over King County governance. VOTE NO

Charter Amendment No. 4 (Additional Qualifications for Elected Officials):
This is a profoundly undemocratic proposal. Voters have the responsibility to decide who is "qualified". VOTE NO

Charter Amendment No. 5 (Establish Forecast Council and OEFA):
These new advisory groups will provide our county’s elected officials with more accurate timely financial and budgetary data. VOTE YES

Charter Amendment No. 6 (Budget Deadlines):
Will give the County Executive and County Council twenty extra days to review proposed budgets before voting. VOTE YES

Charter Amendment No. 7 (Charter Amendment by Citizen Initiative):
This will double the number of signatures required to put crack-pot initiatives on our ballots. VOTE YES

Charter Amendment No. 8 (Nonpartisan Elections):
Removing party identification from county election ballots will help Republicans infest our government. We need to know what sort of people we are voting for. We need to protect real Seattle values. VOTE NO

FEDERAL:

President and Vice President of the United States
Full endorsement coming soon…
Vote for Barack Obama and Joe Biden

CONGRESSIONAL:

U.S. Congressional District 7
Jim McDermott is a national treasure. We are lucky to have him as our Congressman.
Vote for Jim McDermott (D)

STATE EXECUTIVE:

Governor
Gov. Gregoire isn’t the most inspiring politician, but she has proven that she is a capable manager with the right values. Her opponent, Republican Dino Rossi, wins Washington State’s George W. Bush Award for Dangerous Stupidity.
Vote for Christine Gregoire (D)

Lt. Governor
Lt. Gov. Owen is a total douche bag, but we can’t afford to have a Republican hag one heartbeat away from the Governor’s mansion. I sadly endorse Mr. Owen.
Vote for Brad Owen (D)

Secretary of State
Sec. Reed is about to become the first Republican I have ever supported. His opponent would do a fine job, but I greatly admire Mr. Reed. He has courageously fought against both parties to successfully defend our new Top 2 Primary system. The poli-sci wonk deep inside of me knows that future generations of Washingtonians will benefit greatly from Sec. Reed’s efforts.
Vote for Sam Reed (R)

State Treasurer
Mr. McIntire’s education and experience overwhelms that of his opponent.
Vote for Jim McIntire (D)

State Auditor
Mr. Sonntag has a proven record we can rely on.
Vote for Brian Sonntag (D)

Attorney General
Ladenburg will fight to protect our reproductive rights and civil liberties.
Vote for John Ladenburg (D)

Commissioner of Public Lands
The current Commissioner is a tool of the logging industry. His challenger, Mr. Goldmark, reminds me a lot of proud former western governors John Kitzhaber (D-OR) and Cecil Andrus (D-ID).
Vote for Peter J. Goldmark (D)

Superintendent of Public Instruction
We all know that after twelve years of promises, it’s time for a change. Mr. Dorn understands our schools and how to be an effective change-agent in Olympia.
Vote for Randy Dorn

Insurance Commissioner
We need a Commissioner who will protect consumers. Mr. Adams is in the pocket of insurance lobbyists.
Vote for Mike Kreidler (D)

LEGISLATIVE:

Legislative Dist. 36, State Representative Pos. 1
Mr. Carlyle is too friendly with big-business, and he is out-of-touch with the character of 36th district voters. He's much better suited to represent voters on the other side of Lake Washington. Mr. Burbank knows how to get things done in Olympia, and he's an old-school liberal who reflects real Seattle values.
Vote for John Burbank (D)

Legislative Dist. 46, State Representative Pos. 1
Mr. White wants to use your vote as a stepping-stone for his own ambition. If elected, Mr. Pollet would be entirely focused on representing our proud liberal values. Mr. White would be focused on his campaign for higher office.
Vote for Gerry Pollet

Legislative Dist. 46, State Representative Pos. 2
Rep. Kenney is a powerful fighter for our district. Keep her in the Capitol!
Vote for Phyllis Kenney

JUDICIAL:

King Co. Superior Court, Judge Position 1
Vote for Suzanne Parisien

King Co. Superior Court, Judge Position 22
Vote for Holly Hill

King Co. Superior Court, Judge Position 37
Vote for Jean Rietschel

CITY OF SEATTLE:

Proposition No. 1 (Pike Place Market rehabilitation)
Our market brings in a shit-ton of tourist dollars, but it’s the last place you would want to be during the next earthquake.
VOTE YES

Proposition No. 2 (Parks Funding)
Our wonderful parks are an investment in strong property values. This is the worst time for us to neglect that investment.
VOTE YES

SOUND TRANSIT:

Proposition No. 1 (Mass Transit Expansion)
The last light rail measure was defeated by the holier-than-thou eco-Nazis at the Sierra Club. They have finally come on-board for what may be our last chance to expand train service beyond UW and SeaTac. If this measure fails, we will need to quickly throw every dollar we can at buses.
VOTE YES

Barack Obama for President

2008-11-02T19:35:00.001-08:00

It is one of the great ironies of history that the most important popular revolutions have come not at the hands of oppressive, homicidal, iron-fisted tyrants (e.g. Hitler, Stalin, Mao), but rather under the feet of fortunate sons who were inept, frivolous, and cloistered (e.g. George III, Louis XVI, Nicholas II). The promise of American democracy has been that we would avoid both outcomes.

If America were a true meritocracy, George W. Bush would be an Assistant Regional Manager for a small paper distribution company in Scranton, PA. Instead, he became Leader of the Free World. Nearly eight years later, cronyism and corruption are the hallmarks of our executive branch. The intricate constitutional consensus developed over the past 232 years is under daily assault by the administration. We spend $10 billion a month on a war in Iraq that we never should have started, while we starve a war in Afghanistan that must be won. The gap between rich and poor widens each year. Our infrastructure is collapsing. Worst of all, a great American city is in ruins while its refugees continue to search for new lives.

As you read this, our global economy has fallen off a cliff. The real estate market has imploded. Major banks are failing. Insurance giants will be next. The gears of our credit-lubed economic system have ground to a halt. Sober citizens are opening “mattress funds”.

We are - by all accounts - leaderless. The American experiment is now combustible.

The unpredictable, uncontrollable forces of revolution could be sparked any day by either a temporary suspension of ATM withdrawals, racial violence, or a lethal confrontation between citizens and the state. It is a great stroke of luck that at this fragile moment in history we expect a new leader to emerge on November 4th.

Our democracy has been brought to its knees by a Republican revolution that was pioneered by Barry Goldwater, Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan. Newt Gingrich and Tom Delay solidified it. George W. Bush, Dick Cheney and Karl Rove brought it to its logical conclusion. In response, Democrats have nominated Illinois Senator Barack Obama – a man with the temperament, wisdom and life-experience that this moment in history requires. He may find that the damage is too severe to reverse in four years, and will consequently be voted out of office in 2012. But it is just as likely that he will rise to the occasion, and lead us out of the abyss. Such a triumph would earn him a place beside George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Franklin Roosevelt. I would not be surprised by the latter outcome. He has the courage and character to provide a New Deal for a New America.

If today’s opposition party nominee were named John Kerry, Michael Dukakis, or Walter Mondale, we would be assured of a historic landslide. Instead, Senator Obama carries a fragile lead over Republican John McCain. We are still anticipating a close election, but if Obama loses only one word will be needed as an explanation: Racism.

Those who allow prejudice to undermine their self-interests are victims of our criminal history. Our nation’s birth was a devil’s bargain. The cancer of slavery grew until it was painfully cut away, but our sickness has festered. Poor blacks versus poor whites; poor whites versus poor Hispanics; and now poor Hispanics versus poor blacks. All the while, the rich and powerful feed their excesses with our labor while they exploit our divisions.

Will we continue to toil and squabble below deck, or will we break free of our chains and seize control of the ship of state?

Will we always be enslaved by America’s original sin, or will we baptize ourselves?

Will we silently mourn the rotting corpse of America as it sickens the entire world with its stench, or will we resurrect its finest ideals and be born again?

Will the young continue to pay the debts of a narcissistic, decadent and failed generation, or will we allow a new era of leaders to build a more humble, human, and honorable nation?

These are the stakes. This is our moment. November 4th is Judgment Day for America.

Elect Barack Obama for President.

ELECTION PREDICTION: 2000 Redux, McCain/Palin "Win"

2008-11-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: Sometimes I am mostly right (example), but sometimes I am very, very wrong (example).

Sometimes I'm more reckless than John McCain on a flight deck, but this is what my gut is telling me about our future...

In this scenario Obama wins the Electoral College 270-268, but such a slim victory will certainly be litigated by the Republicans. Then the McCain/Palin ticket will successfully steal the election. Why? Because when it comes to counting votes, you can count on the Democrats to do whatever is ethical, and you can count on the Republicans to do whatever it takes to win. That is the curse of my party.

What can you do to make sure we win? Call Pennsylvania.

I only agree with the McCain/Palin ticket about one thing: Pennsylvania will decide the election. If Obama has a convincing win in Pennsylvania, the Republicans will not be able to steal this election. If you have any friends in the keystone state, call them and ask them to vote! Call them Monday night, and then call them every hour on Tuesday until they have voted. Nag them. Hound them. Withhold sexual favors. Do whatever it takes to make sure they vote. And make sure they do not leave the polling place without at least casting a provisional ballot.

You will determine the result of this election. Don't fuck it up.

Dumbest. Ad. Ever.

2008-10-31T22:19:00.001-07:00

CNN: Studs Terkel died today at age 96

2008-10-31T14:58:00.000-07:00

Honor Turkel's memory by voting for change.

God Bless America

2008-10-31T12:44:00.000-07:00

Politico has the fascinating story behind this house.

Damn Kids!

2008-10-30T18:31:00.000-07:00

This is a big problem.

I am convinced that Sen. Obama peaked two days ago. The polls will get tighter in the coming days, which is fine as long as people under thirty vote in disproportionate numbers. Obama will not win without a strong youth vote.

What you must do:

Tell your friends to vote.
If you vote absentee, fill out your ballot now - then mail it ASAP.
Tell your friends to vote.
If you can vote early in your state, GO. Do not wait until Tuesday. The massive GOP voter suppression effort will not be ready until election day.
Tell your friends to vote.
If you must vote on election day - FOR THE LOVE OF JEBUS - DO NOT WAIT UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE.
Tell your friends to vote. Tell your friends to vote. Tell your friends to vote.

What's keeping Palin from being president?

2008-10-29T16:44:00.001-07:00

Listen carefully to the music in this ad and tell me what you hear.

I'll give you a hint. It rhymes with bart meat. And while we're at it, I think I detect an arrhythmia.

Nate, Rachel, and Tina

2008-10-29T08:57:00.001-07:00

My three favorite, unexpected players in this election:

Nate Silver

Rachel Maddow

Tina Fey

Are there others in this category?

Assassination/Mass-Murder Plot Disrupted

2008-10-27T13:43:00.000-07:00

The ATF gives us some insight into the strategy of McCain's grass-roots values-voters.

Tim!

2008-10-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

Dear Readers:
Please welcome Tim as a new contributor to this blog. I've known Tim since before anyone had heard of Monica Lewinsky. He is a great friend of our family, and was kind enough to perform my marriage ceremony.

Tim will soon earn a PhD in Philosophy from one of our nation's finest universities. He is a secular-Jewish-socialist patriotic American from the proud, blue midwest. I'm sure he will bring a fresh perspective to this blog.

Thanks Tim!

A Question for John McCain

2008-10-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin has more executive experience than you do. Do you believe that Sarah Palin is more qualified to be president than you are?

Video: Obama Supporter Mugged, Mutilated (just kidding)

2008-10-26T09:39:00.001-07:00

Coldplay Endorses Obama on SNL

2008-10-26T01:03:00.000-07:00

Coldplay did a four-song set on SNL tonight. The performance was an instant classic. Two notes:

History will draw a direct line from The Beatles to U2 to Coldplay.
On tonight's show Chris Martin wore a hand-made Obama armband, and gave the Senator a shout-out after his third song.

"We Can Do It"

2008-10-25T08:54:00.000-07:00

Your Morning Schadenfreude

2008-10-25T08:48:00.000-07:00

Ten days from the election, and this is what the McCain campaign is talking about.

BREAKING: Hoax!

2008-10-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

KDKA in Pittsburgh reports the following:

"A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed. More details to follow."

Her original description of the "attacker" was a "6-foot 4-inch, 200-pound black man, with medium build and short black hair."

What was her motivation for lying? You do the math.

Barack Obama for President

2008-10-24T00:02:00.000-07:00

McCain's Map

2008-10-23T14:04:00.000-07:00

In a network interview, McCain identified the bad parts of the country...

Didn't Republicans say they would never forget 9/11?

Don't be like Mike

2008-10-23T09:10:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the folks at moveon.org

Senior Moments

2008-10-22T21:43:00.000-07:00

I couldn't agree more.

And, for old time (2 week) sake....

David Sedaris on Undecided Voters

2008-10-22T13:47:00.000-07:00

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

-David Sedaris in the October 27 New Yorker.

$150,000

2008-10-21T17:36:00.000-07:00

The Republican party has spent $150,000 on Sarah Palin's wardrobe. That doesn't include $4,716.49 for "hair and makeup" in September alone. John Edwards must be so jealous.

"Liberals Hate Real Americans"

2008-10-21T14:27:00.000-07:00

First Palin told us about the "Pro-American" parts of America.

Then, Rep. Bachmann (R-MN) called for an investigation of "Anti-American" members of Congress.

Then, Republican John McCain's spokeswoman told us about "Real Virginia" (you know, the racist part).

Now, Rep. Robin Hayes (R-NC) tells us that "liberals hate Real Americans".

Like Bachmann, Hayes is fighting to keep a closely-contested seat. You can donate to his opponent here.

Women, Children Find Slashed Tires After Rally

2008-10-20T11:36:00.000-07:00

Voter intimidation has started in North Carolina.

Obamalantern

2008-10-19T22:22:00.001-07:00

Look what my lovely wife made...

McCarthyism on the March

2008-10-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

From Minnesota to Orange County, the rotting corpse of the GOP is really starting to stink.

Petition your member of Congress to censure Michele Bachmann.

Racism on the March

2008-10-17T15:06:00.000-07:00

We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. We believe... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation.
-Republican Sarah Palin, October 16, 2008

Is this the currency of "real America"?

Are these the supporters that McCain said Wednesday that he is so "proud" of?

2008 General Election Seattle Voter's Guide

2008-10-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

Meth Addicts for McCain

2008-10-09T07:23:00.000-07:00

The McCain-Palin mob:

"My Fellow Prisoners"

2008-10-08T12:28:00.000-07:00

Palin Wins!

2008-10-03T09:47:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately, Dear Readers, but I've been busy sprucing up our bunker over at the compound.

So here's how they did...

PALIN: America's Sweetheart wowed the country by demonstrating fluency in conversational English. She also had the courage to ignore the moderator's questions and speak bullshit directly to the American people.

BIDEN: The Senator from Delaware showed the sort of professionalism, graciousness, and knowledgeability that is unlikely to impress small town Americans.

Today's Quotes

2008-09-29T23:20:00.000-07:00

"If money isn’t loosened up, this sucker could go down.” - (Still!) Pres. George W. Bush
"America’s chickens are coming home to roost." - (America's Favorite) Rev. Jeremiah Wright
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." Thomas Jefferson

Bailout Polling

2008-09-29T09:13:00.000-07:00

Check out the good news in Gallop's poll on the bailout.

Fey Returns!

2008-09-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

Now that you've seen that, check out the real interview. The highlight is two minutes in.

Wha???

2008-09-27T07:40:00.000-07:00

The McCain campaign released this ad before the debate had even finished. Check it out...

Wha??? I don't get it. Don't voters want politicians to find common ground where they can? Does agreeing with McCain on a limited set of facts show poor judgement? And what does this have to do with being "ready"? This is the most baffling campaign ad I've ever seen. The McCain campaign is clearly spiraling out of control.

Your Talking Points (Sept. 26)

2008-09-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

ISSUE:
McCain/Palin '08

PROBLEM:
Idiocy

TALKING POINTS:

The McCain campaign has turned into a train wreck.
Even conservatives are calling for Palin to withdraw.
McCain now "owns" the bailout negotiations mess.

Love-Child Gold Card

2008-09-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

My bank has just been seized by the FDIC, and it will soon be purchased by my credit card company. This means that one piece of plastic in my wallet is being eaten by another. I feel like I should be given some special status - issued a "Love-Child Gold Card" - but I'm pretty sure I'll just get fucked like everyone else.

As I write this, Dow futures are down 188 points and bailout negotiations are falling apart. I have a feeling that tomorrow will be a very, very, very bad day on Wall Street.

Oh, and tomorrow is also debate day. Bring it.

The Great Schlep!

2008-09-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

Your Talking Points (Sept. 25)

2008-09-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

ISSUE:
Mr. McChicken goes to Washington.

PROBLEM:
This is not helpful, for the country or McCain.

TALKING POINTS:

Injecting presidential politics into congressional negotiations is not productive in an "emergency".
McCain has acknowledged that he is not an expert on the economy, and he doesn't even sit on the committee crafting the legislation.
McCain is only in D.C. for photo ops, but will become the public face of deeply unpopular legislation.
If the bill passes, Republican McCain will be the owner of a $700,000,000,000.00 bailout which nobody likes (even if it's necessary).
If the bill fails, McCain will be seen to have failed his mission.
This is the Dumbest Campaign Stunt Ever.

Palin Affair?

2008-09-24T15:09:00.000-07:00

No wonder McChicken wants to suspend the campaign. This might have legs.

Your Talking Points (Sept. 24)

2008-09-24T13:27:00.001-07:00

ISSUE:
Debates

PROBLEM:
McCain is afraid to debate in the current political climate.

TALKING POINTS:

Voters want a serious debate on the issues, not more gimmicks from politicians.
At this pivotal moment, voters deserve to know where the candidates stand on the issues.
The debate must go on.

McChicken

2008-09-24T13:09:00.000-07:00

Republican John McCain wants to postpone Friday's debate. Huffington Post lists the reasons why.

SNL: Sept. 20

2008-09-21T00:47:00.000-07:00

Your Talking Points (Sept 18)

2008-09-17T17:54:00.002-07:00

ISSUE:
Social Security

PROBLEM:
Old white people are more comfortable voting for the old white guy than the young black guy.

TALKING POINT:

Republican John McCain wants to privatize Social Security and take your check away.

Help!

2008-09-17T17:54:00.001-07:00

I can match $173.50 more. Please help us reach our goal.

A Positive Ad Worth Watching

2008-09-17T17:54:00.000-07:00

Your Talking Points (Sept. 17)

2008-09-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

ISSUE:
The economy.

PROBLEM:
A "once-in-a-century" financial crisis.

TALKING POINTS:

John "fundamentally strong" McCain's Republican economic advisor, Phil "nation-of-whiners" Gramm, wrote the legislation that led to the fall of AIG.
Republican John McCain's economic plan offers nothing more than a continuation of George W. Bush's failed economic policies.
John McCain's Republican allies in Congress are against an energy policy that reduces our dependence on foreign oil, promotes alternative sources of energy, punishes greedy oil companies, and allows offshore drilling while protecting the environment.
Republican John McCain would rather win an election than save American jobs.

Your Talking Points (Sept. 16)

2008-09-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

ISSUE:
Republican John McCain's campaign has recently run a series of attack ads that are nasty and dishonest. Even Karl Rove thinks he has gone too far.

PROBLEM:
McCain has been unfairly attacked by Senator Obama for having lost his honor, and the media is off-base when they point out that McCain will now "do anything to win."

TALKING POINTS:

McCain is not directly responsible for his campaign's vile attacks. He has simply grown confused.
McCain is having a hard time keeping up with the fast-paced nature of a modern election, and losing control of his staff.
McCain will likely benefit from having Republican Sarah Palin by his side again, assisting him through the next forty-nine days. In the meantime, Cindy should manage day-to-day operations of the campaign.
McCain should scale-back his schedule, and focus every day on two or three tasks he can accomplish (e.g., one rally, one fundraiser, and one nap).

"Hockey Moms for Truth"

2008-09-15T08:54:00.001-07:00

McCain Gets Gang-Banged on The View

2008-09-13T08:56:00.000-07:00

Just in case you missed it...

NPR: Bush Hopes to Sway Election with OBL Capture

2008-09-12T16:18:00.000-07:00

NPR Exclusive

From the Wires

2008-09-12T12:48:00.001-07:00

This amazing AP wire article summarizes the lies.

1982

2008-09-12T12:46:00.001-07:00

Palin Comes Out!

2008-09-11T23:59:00.001-07:00

Republican Sarah Palin came out tonight at the Debutante Ball, where she finally put out some answers for a grown-up journalist. I think one commentator in Politico's Arena summed it up best:

She had me at hello Charley-- had me scared to death. Not a single doubt that she is ready to be president-- everyone, no matter how experienced, should have doubts about the ability to take that job. A combination of utter inexperience and utter arrogance is about the worst possible combination I can imagine. Not knowing what the Bush Doctrine is would be bad enough, but saying unequivocally that Georgia should be in NATO-- meaning we would now perhaps be in a state of war with Russia-- and then without a beat saying that military action should be the last resort-- shows a series of knowledge and logic gaps that ought to shake every foreign policy specialist, liberal or conservative, Democrat or Republican, to his or her roots. Maybe they can force feed her enough facts to skate through a debate, and maybe her self-confidence will still play well with many voters, but this first cut performance underscores our worst fears.

Norman Ornstein, AEI Resident Scholar

Alternatively...

2008-09-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

Looks like I wasn't the only one who wrote a response ad. Planned Parenthood also took a shot at it.

Certain Death

2008-09-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

I am not known for being a spiritual man, but I can't help but think of Ike as the angry ghost of President Dwight D. Eisenhower, bringing his wrath down upon Texas to punish Republicans for destroying his party.Seriously though, this is a big one. The National Weather Service issued the following statement for Galveston Bay:

All neighborhoods ... and possibly entire coastal communities ... will be inundated during the period of peak storm tide," the advisory said. "Persons not heeding evacuation orders in single-family one- or two-story homes will face certain death.

This is very unusual language from the normally mild-mannered NOAA bureaucracy. If you know anyone who lives in the Houston area, please call them and make sure they are acting rationally. If you know anyone who lives around Galveston Bay who isn't leaving, yell at them!

Un-American Puppy Killer

2008-09-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

A line has been crossed. Yesterday Republican John McCain's campaign released the most vicious, objectively false political ad I have ever seen. Factcheck.org called it "a factual failure".

The Illinois state law in question was intended to help young children avoid abuse by sexual predators. The law would help "students recognize, among other activities, inappropriate touching, sexual assault and rape." This is basic "don't let someone touch you where the bathing suit covers" stuff. If McCain is against this bill, then he is helping pedophiles.

Republicans John McCain and Sarah Palin have made a strategic decision that facts, truth, and reality are no longer relevant to this election. If Senator Obama is going to be subjected to this treatment, he should be able to play by the same rules.

It is in that spirit that I propose this powerful new ad. The charges are flimsy (at best), and the quotes come from nowhere in particular. I think it would be a great ad.

SEN. BIDEN: I'm Joe Biden, and I approved this message.

ANNOUNCER (woman): Think you know Republican John McCain? Think again.

His claims of war heroics: "Overstated".
His relationship with the Vietnamese government: "Suspect".
His kickbacks from Big Oil: "Probable".
His role in the Keating Five: "Covered up".
His hours spent in private with lobbyist Vicki Iseman: "Inappropriate".

The real Republican John McCain: Un-American. Puppy killer.

BREAKING: Palin threatens war with Russia

2008-09-11T14:40:00.000-07:00

http://www.abcnews.go.com/Politics/Vote2008/story?id=5778018&page=1

Where have you gone, Joe?

2008-09-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

Since our developmentally-challenged nation can't yet deal with an angry black man, I was thrilled when Senator Obama chose Senator Biden to be his hatchet man. It seems I've spent my entire life watching Sen. Biden forcefully speak truth to morons inside and out of Capitol hearing rooms. I was sure this campaign would get ugly, and I was sure that Joe was the right man for the job. But where is he now?

I know it must suck to get upstaged by Caribou Barbie, but 54 days out from the election is no time to get depressed. He's probably also afraid of the Big-Bad-Gaffe (Lord knows, he has had a few), but with the Republicans manufacturing fake controversy every day, real controversy is now besides the point.

Come back, Joe. You can be our slugger again! Come back!

p.s. - Sen. Clinton also needs to do some more heavy-lifting. She still hasn't washed off all the sin.

John Adams

2008-09-11T00:02:00.000-07:00

I would emphatically recommend renting HBO's John Adams to anyone who loves American history. While I'm not a great fan of historical costume dramas, this miniseries provides sophisticated historiography, serious dramatic performances, and some pretty nice costumes.

If, like myself, you love this country, then watch John Adams before the election.

If, like myself, you hate this country, then watch The Corner before the election, too.

"Gooks"

2008-09-10T19:48:00.000-07:00

Seattle Post-Intelligencer, March 2, 2000

Crack the Code!

2008-09-10T16:28:00.000-07:00

As the Republican talking points drift beyond the gravitational field we call "reality", the task of decoding their subtext grows more daunting each day. Like a cryptologist cracking Hitler's Code, I have taken it upon myself to untangle the riddles of Republican Culture War Newspeak. I hope you will find this to be a helpful tool in the weeks ahead.

Arrogant = Uppity

Effete = Gay

San Francisco Liberals = The Gays

Family Values = We hate gays, too!

Democrat Party = The Democratic Party

GOP = "Please don't call us 'Republicans' anymore... please".

Cocky = Uppity

Our Israeli Friends = Neoconservative Jews

Liberal Elites = The wrong kind of Jews

Elitist = Uppity

Illegals = The wrong kind of immigrants

Cuban-Americans = The right kind of immigrants

Presumptuous = Uppity

Community Organizers = The wrong kind of Christians (you know… the ones who live in cities)

Evangelicals = The right kind of Christians

Media Elites = People who spread inconvenient facts

Reagan Democrats = Northern, poor, uneducated, racist white people = Low-lying fruit.

Values Voters = Southern, poor, uneducated, racist white people = Ripened fruit.

Small Towns = White America

Country First = "I heard that guy is a Muslim!"

Sexist = "What is that black man doing talking to a white woman?"

Change = (Bob Dole version 2.0) + (George W. Bush in a skirt)!

Up = Down

Down = Up

2+2 = 5

SNEAK PEAK: Friday's Spin

2008-09-10T12:20:00.000-07:00

Republican Sarah Palin is being allowed out of her protective igloo to answer questions in an actual, real-world interview. Tomorrow (Thursday) she will sit down with ABC's Charles Gibson. Here's what to look for on Friday...

If Sen. Obama's campaign spends all day reminding voters that Mr. Gibson is a GOP puppet who has been aggressively condescending to Obama all year, then you'll know that Palin triumphed over the soft bigotry of low expectations.

If Republican McCain's campaign has to spend all weekend whining about the "elitist-liberal-media", then Palin will have blown it.

Fun times.

Comments Please: What would you ask?

2008-09-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

My son is ill, so I might not be able to blog for a while. In the meantime, please talk amongst yourselves...

QUESTION: If you were the host of Meet the Press, and Republican Sarah Palin found the courage to sit down with you, what would you most like to ask her?

Don't know much about Fannie and Freddie

2008-09-08T12:54:00.000-07:00

It looks like neither member of the ticket knows much about economics. Last Saturday, Republican Sarah Palin used stock GOP criticisms of Big Government to explain the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac meltdowns. The Problem: The government didn't own those companies until today and they failed for entirely different reasons.

One can only assume that she thought the private mortgage giants were government programs like Social Security or Medicare.

God save us.

"Uppity"

2008-09-04T15:41:00.000-07:00

"Just from what little I’ve seen of her and Mr. Obama, Sen. Obama, they're a member of an elitist-class individual that thinks that they're uppity."

Thanks to Georgia Republican Congressman Lynn Westmoreland for finally cracking the code words we have been hearing all summer. You know...

- Elitist

- Presumptuous

- Cocky

- Arrogant

It just goes to show that if you put the same talking points in the hands of every moron with a delegate pass, eventually someone slips up and says what they really mean.

Well, one nice thing I can say about Republican Lynn Westmoreland is that he certainly is well-spoken... for a white man.

p.s. - Look at this guy! Are these clones produced in a factory?

Verdict: Sarah Palin is a Bad Mother

2008-09-04T11:35:00.000-07:00

Under normal circumstances, I think that political candidate families are not germane to the public discourse. Privacy should be respected and judgment withheld… usually.

Even before Republican Sarah Palin was officially announced as Republican John McCain's running-mate, his campaign was busy whoring-out her womb. Pandering to Christian-extremists, McCain leakers ensured that the media knew she had chosen not to terminate her most recent pregnancy. John the Pimp was also quick to recognize her son's upcoming deployment to Iraq. Since then, Palin's status as a working mother has been made a central part of her identity by her own campaign. Most recently, Palin has been exploiting her seventeen year-old daughter's pregnancy in yet another appeal to radical-Christians.

Since Palin has so forcefully argued that being a "Hockey Mom" qualifies her for the Vice Presidency, she has invited voters to review her record and accomplishments. Newly-minted right-wing "feminists" have tried to inoculate her from such scrutiny, by arguing that fathers are not usually held to the same standards. True enough. Our society usually hold fathers to ridiculously low standards, whether they're running for office or not. As such, I will use my own personal standards for myself - as a father - to assess Palin's performance.

First of all, I won't let my family become a tabloid freak-show. Republican Sarah Palin decided that option was acceptable. Between her B.A. in Journalism and experience as a Local TV News Personality, she had to know this would happen if she entered the race.

If I had a four month-old baby with Down Syndrome, I would conclude that this not the best time to pursue my ambition to become Vice President. On this point, reasonable people may disagree.

If I ever have a daughter, I will encourage her to use reliable birth control. It's a pretty safe bet that Republican Sarah Palin promoted the "abstinence-only" non-method of birth control, and... well... we see how that worked out.

If my daughter decided to become a teenage mother, I would not be "proud" of her for deciding to marry the father if he was a self-described "redneck" who didn't want children, and didn't graduate from his high school. Republican Sarah Palin must have low-expectations for her daughter's future.

Finally, my first duty as a daddy is to keep my son alive. Today he is not allowed to stick a fork in an electrical socket. When he graduates from high school, he sure as hell won't be allowed to join the Army and go to war. I love him too much to allow it. For some reason, Republican Sarah Palin thinks it's a good thing for her son to fight in a war zone. I think parents should promote college, instead. I guess that makes me an elitist daddy - but at least my son will never get blown to bits by an IED - and that's fine with me.

Like every parent, I have plenty of flaws, and I have failed my son in many ways, but I would never spin any of those failures to claim qualification for elected office.

$300,000

2008-09-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

Cindy McCain's Tuesday night outfit cost $300,000. Maybe they've started selling off some of those houses?

Cash

2008-09-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

Come on people now. Help me help America.

Ink by the Barrel

2008-09-03T22:21:00.000-07:00

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Politico offers an apology to Republican Sarah Palin.

Welcome to the NFL, Bitch.

2008-09-03T20:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Sarah,

Nice speech. Now Senator Biden doesn't have to be nice to you in the debate.

Have fun,
Jared

p.s. - Any woman who votes for you is an Uncle Tom.

[That's right... I said it]

Bat-Shit-Crazy-Fucker

2008-09-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

Senator Obama has agreed to go on The O'Reilly Fascist tomorrow night. I want to go on record as saying that this is a bad idea. Obama talking to O'Reilly about politics is a lot like Madeleine Albright discussing foreign policy with that bat-shit-crazy-fucker on the bus.

Racist Asshole

2008-09-03T20:44:00.000-07:00

Tonight Rudy structured his entire convention speech around the premise that this election is an affirmative action job interview.

I am embarassed to share the same planet with Rudy Giuliani.

"It's Over"

2008-09-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

Enjoy.

Huffington has the transcript.

Oops

2008-09-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

The Washington Post reports that Republican Sarah Palin "Slashed Funding for Teen Moms".

Nice

2008-09-02T20:55:00.001-07:00

Meet Geraldine Quayle

2008-08-29T10:13:00.000-07:00

Republican Sarah Palin was runner-up for Miss Alaska 1984.

Republican Sarah Palin does not think that women should be trusted to make their own health decisions.

Republican Sarah Palin loves guns more than she cares for the safety of her five children.

Republican Sarah Palin's infant son has Down Syndrome, making this the ideal time for her to run for Vice President.

Republican Sarah Palin will preserve Exxon-Mobile's direct-line to Cheney's Undisclosed Location.

Two years ago, Republican Sarah Palin was Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska (pop. 8,471), proving she has exactly the experience she will need to become Commander-in-Chief when John McCain dies in-office.

Pride

2008-08-28T08:39:00.000-07:00

I am very proud to be a Democrat today. Forty-five years after MLK's "I Have a Dream" speech, Sen. Obama will accept my party's nomination for President.

The speech is at 7:00 (10:00 ET).

In the meantime, please help me meet my fundraising goal: http://my.barackobama.com/page/outreach/view/main/jreddawg